Of all of capitalism's high holidays, Valentine's Day. is definitely the worst, with its corporate-sponsored emphasis on love, couples, snuggling, and other disgusting things. The only thing worse? The people who empower it with emphatic hatred. That's right, all you singleton's and "black hearts" are just as responsible for the continuation of this wretched festival as all the happy couples cooing into each others' earlobes after too many expensive oysters and too much cheap champagne. Sure, Valentine's Day was created to sell candy, flowers, romantic dinners at overpriced restaurants, and frilly panties from Victoria Secret that will be forgotten about as soon as they are flung off an expectant toe into the dark corners of a bedroom. To get all English major-y for a second, it is a despicable propagation of the hetero-normative monogamy fallacy that plagues the world, telling everyone that they have a "soul mate" and one special person to complete them and anyone who isn't in such a
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